Text Talk - The Horrid World of IM Shorthand
by MMG Stitched Heart
Summary: Gary picks up a message that a young woman wearing five-inch pink heels sent to her friend in a nearly indecipherable language. Could it be code? Could it be Red Flag? Or could it just be some stupid teenager's post-break-up text chatter? - This is a one-shot that is not canon with my other stories. My hate of text talk is what inspired this comedy.


**Rated T for: Sexual references and abbreviated but vulgar language. **

**I don't think I voiced the characters as well as I could've but give me your honest feed back anyway, please!**

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Text Talk

By MMG Stitched Heart

All the rights for 'Alphas' go to their respective owners.

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Gary was examining a text that a young blonde woman wearing pink, five-inch heels had sent to her friend named 'Julie'. They were talking in a language Gary couldn't decipher, and that rarely happens. The language consisted of numbers, letters in caps-lock, and bizarre abbreviations. For example, 'Ikr lke mi bf ttlly brke up w/ me!1111'

Gary stared at it, flipping his hands in the air between different translators rapidly trying to figure this madness out.

Gary stared at it further, spinning and flipping his hands about as he did so. Gary squinted his eyes, moved closer, backed up, flipped it over, rearranged it and even sat in a chair upside down. Yet nothing came to him. He was lost and confused, utterly baffled by this unknown arrangement of letters.

The blonde who had sent the text then sent another reading: 'Lke OMFG he was lke 'we need to br8ke^ bby and I was lke 'wtf did u hve to go nookleer w/ r ship?'

Gary's brain just about exploded. He knew some of the abbreviations; he had seen them on Nina's phone. He knew what 'WTF', 'OMFG', and 'BBY' meant but, as for the others, he had no clue.

Gary wasn't too good at grammar or spelling himself but this woman's was _horrid_, absolutely _horrid_. Nina had said there's an organization of people called 'The Grammar Nazis'. Gary suddenly saw their purpose and thought maybe he should join them.

Dr. Rosen came to check on Gary. He hadn't seen him all evening and was starting to worry.

"Gary, is everything okay?" Asked Dr. Rosen, concern evident on his wrinkled face.

Gary said, "I don't understand, Dr. Rosen."

He asked, "You don't understand what, Gary?"

Gary replied, reading the text aloud in letters since he didn't recognize the words, "I-k-r l-k-e m-I b-f t-t-l-l-y b-r-k-e up w-slash me exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, one-one-one-one."

Dr. Rosen stood there silent. He was at a lack of words. _What…?_

Gary read another, "L-k-e OMFG he was l-k-e 'we need to b-r-eight-k-e arrow pointing up," Gary raised his scrawny arm up then put it back down, continuing the message. "Baby and I was l-k-e 'wtf did u h-v-e to go nook-leer w-slash r ship?'"

Dr. Rosen said, stunned by the strange message, "I…don't know what any of that means, Gary. Maybe you should ask Nina…"

Gary walked out of the room unannounced and then came back moments later, a smile on his face.

"I have it! It's code for something! It's a code for something I don't know!"

"Well… Yes, but that doesn't change the issue at hand, Gary" Dr. Rosen said, discouraged by his failure to figure out the seemingly indecipherable text chat.

"Another one!" Gary exclaimed, clapping his pale hands together. "U k-n-o I was effing him SO H-R-D w-h-l-e u-two w-r d-eight-t-n."

Standing there in silence, Dr. Rosen stared at the same space of air that Gary was. While Gary's eyes never actually met Dr. Rosen's, they shared an understanding look.

Cameron walked by and asked, "Gary, what have you been reading?"

"A woman in tall Barbie shoes walked by and now she's texting her friend Julie about something I don't understand," Gary said.

Cameron sighed, "Alright let me hear it."

Gary then read Cameron all of the texts, scrolling through them with his hands in the air.

Silence fell upon the room. Cameron smiled, coughed, scratched the back of his head then said, "Yeah…I have no idea…"

"You said 'yeah' and 'no' in the same sentence," Gary blurted, merely speaking his mind.

Hicks slightly turned his head then pointed to the lounge, "I'm gonna go have some coffee. You two work on that."

Gary flipped through more texts. "Oh, now they're fighting! They're fighting, Dr. Rosen."

Nina walked in, leaning her thin hip on one side of the doorframe, a mischievous smirk on her pretty face, "Hicks told me you two needed my help. What's going on?"

Dr. Rosen looked at Nina, "Gary has found two young women speaking in code and we need to decipher it. They started exactly when they passed our building."

"What does it say?" She asked with that same red smile spread across her face.

Gary read the latest, "U-E-Z bitch!"

The texts continued to fly in. Gary moved his hands, fingers pinching and dragging in the air rapidly. He read on.

"U-r such a slut!"

"E-S-M-F!"

"We need two-do this f-two-f, Julie!"

Nina laughed as Gary read the appalling texts. She tried to hide her snickering by covering her mouth but failed. The sight of Dr. Rosen, a practical genius, and Gary, their supposed tech-know-it-all, baffled by a few stupid teenagers' texts was amusing.

"Okay, Gary, what was the first one?"

Gary replied, "I-k-r l-k-e m-i b-f t-t-l-l-y b-r-k-e up w-slash me exclamation mark, exclamation mark,"

Nina interrupted, "Okay, I get it. And the last one?"

"We need two-do this,"

"Before that,"

"How far back? You need to specify. I don't know instantly. I'm not Google-guy. I can't pull up answers that fast, Nina."

Nina said, "The one where they started fighting, Gary."

Gary walked out of the office.

He exclaimed, "Aha! It's over here!"  
Nina poked her head out, her beautiful dark hair hanging by her shoulders, and saw Gary all the way down by the elevator. _How many did he go through, _She thought as she looked at him down the hall.

She and Dr. Rosen walked to Gary.

"Right here, Nina," Gary said, still smiling. Nina looked at the air next to Gary then back at him. Her deeply colored eyes stared at Gary, expecting him to say something. She shifted her weight to her left foot.

"Okay, Gary, not all of us can see your magical waves," Nina complained, breaking the silence.

"I know," He answered.

Nina thought, doubting Gary,_ Does he?_

"It says, 'U-k-n-o I was effing him _so hrd _w-h-l-e u-two wr d-eight-t-n.'"

Nina laughed again.

"Now, Nina, you're the only one here who knows what any of this means. Can you please explain in a language both Gary and I will understand?"

Nina said, shifting her weight to her right foot, "So, _basically_, this Tiffany,"

"_Brittany_," Gary corrected. "Her name is Brittany. Like 'Brittany Spears'."

"Whatever," Nina mumbled in an offended tone. "Brittany told her friend, Julie, that her boyfriend just broke up with her and she was looking for comfort from her best friend. What she got instead was a confession from Julie, the friend, that she and Tiffany's,"

"_Brittany's, _her name is Brittany, Nina. That's twice you've messed up her name. You never mess up names."

Nina sighed then continued as if Gary hadn't said anything, irritation setting in strongly, "Anyway, Julie was sleeping with Brittany's boyfriend and he likely left Brittany for Julie who is probably a lot better in bed than Brittany. There ya have it. No national emergency."

Dr. Rosen had a look of relief on his face. Nina examined Gary's face for any sign of a similar expression but found none. He simply stared into space, no emotion evident on his face.

Dr. Rosen patted Nina's shoulder, "Thank you, Nina. Next time that happens, we'll contact you first." He then hobbled away.

"Sure you will," She mumbled.

"Mom told me you shouldn't mumble when you're standing by someone. They can't hear what your saying when you mumble. It's rude." Something then caught his attention, causing him to leave.

"That's the point," Nina sighed, shifting her weight to an equal distribution between her two feet and walked away.

Gary exclaimed from his office, "There's another one! Nina, come quick! There's another one! Julie sent Brittany another one!"

Nina walked to Gary's office. Gary had typed it on the laptop he had taken from Nina's.

"Gary, why do you have my laptop?!"

"The connection is better in here. Just look. Look at what Julie said."

_4Q? What the hell does 4Q mean?_

The two of them stood there with scrunched eyebrows and turned heads, trying to decipher the message.

**[END]**


End file.
